As if my body isn't enough to reflect what I've been doing (or lack thereof) for my body, when I go to log in my calories/excercise in I'm reminded that over a year ago when I started this thing I weighed less than when I've re-started again.
ACK!??!!? Seriously, why do I do this to myself? Ah yes, because some of those foods just taste so good. Evil companies that work hard to make things taste so good that you can't stop or you crave them. I saw a news report that shared how much companies spend on R&D for this very thing. To target people like me who like that yummy tasting stuff. Oh why can't I LOVE the taste of the good things for my body?
The mountain ahead of me looks so big. I know all the things to say to other people when it comes to losing weight. I'm THE best cheerleader......but don't implement those things into my own mind or life. I've lost a significant amount of weight (80 lbs. or so) in the past and had kept it off until I became pregnant with my 1st son 7 years ago. Hold up. Huh? 7 years ago? Has it really been that long ago? Ouch. Hold on while I go kick myself.......
Alright, I'm back. Seriously - 7 years and I'm at my heaviest - even during my pregnancies....with twins to boot!! OK, off to plan my attack on this weight and take my life and health back from the junk food that I've let take residence on this 5'4 frame.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
1st day of many......
So, I overheard my son say to my husband yesterday, "why is mommy so fat?" Ouch. I was hurt by this on different levels. Why does my son see me as different? I guess I thought the love a child has for their mother, especially a 4 year old, would give him rose colored glasses when it came to me. I know he loves me but man, what's up with that?
Wow, does my weight bother him? I have to say, even though I am a bit fluffy (o.k., so a "bit" might be different in my book than yours), I take my children to do lots of things (i.e., the beach, parks, amusement/water parks) and I do fun stuff with them on a regular basis. So, it's not like my weight hinders my ability to have fun with them. So I was a little miffed that he would have the audacity to even say this. Yes, I know he's only 4. But man, it still hurt! Way more than I thought it would.
In my numerous attempts at losing weight, I am very careful not to make a big deal about it in front of them. My husband never says anything about my weight, to me or in front of our children. I don't even watch shows like The Biggest Loser in front of them. So it's not like they SEE me struggling or hear my struggles.
So, after sitting in my room pouting, crying & hating myself for the way my body is - I figured that I could let that take root and cause emotional decay........which let me tell you, I enjoyed my pity party and would've stayed there had it not been for the talk I had with myself on what I really wanted. Or, I could continue to do something about it. Not a diet - no, I've tried most of them. A change in my mind of what's healthful and how I want to treat my temple.
What do I really want?
To be able to wrap a towel around my body...a regular towel, not a beach towel!
To be able to go to an amusement park and ride the rides without fear of not fitting.
To be able to buy cute workout & golf outfits.
To wear a swimsuit that doesn't have a granny skirt.
To wear a belt.
To do my part to be healthy & live long on the earth.
To be an example and give hope to woman all over who struggle.
Here's to my public journey where these posts will be raw with honesty - be prepared for a bumpy ride! :)
Wow, does my weight bother him? I have to say, even though I am a bit fluffy (o.k., so a "bit" might be different in my book than yours), I take my children to do lots of things (i.e., the beach, parks, amusement/water parks) and I do fun stuff with them on a regular basis. So, it's not like my weight hinders my ability to have fun with them. So I was a little miffed that he would have the audacity to even say this. Yes, I know he's only 4. But man, it still hurt! Way more than I thought it would.
In my numerous attempts at losing weight, I am very careful not to make a big deal about it in front of them. My husband never says anything about my weight, to me or in front of our children. I don't even watch shows like The Biggest Loser in front of them. So it's not like they SEE me struggling or hear my struggles.
So, after sitting in my room pouting, crying & hating myself for the way my body is - I figured that I could let that take root and cause emotional decay........which let me tell you, I enjoyed my pity party and would've stayed there had it not been for the talk I had with myself on what I really wanted. Or, I could continue to do something about it. Not a diet - no, I've tried most of them. A change in my mind of what's healthful and how I want to treat my temple.
What do I really want?
To be able to wrap a towel around my body...a regular towel, not a beach towel!
To be able to go to an amusement park and ride the rides without fear of not fitting.
To be able to buy cute workout & golf outfits.
To wear a swimsuit that doesn't have a granny skirt.
To wear a belt.
To do my part to be healthy & live long on the earth.
To be an example and give hope to woman all over who struggle.
Here's to my public journey where these posts will be raw with honesty - be prepared for a bumpy ride! :)
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